Estimated reading time: 5 minute(s)
Part of our business is paying attention to, and then doing what other people want. We are in marketing and sales. We have a product that we need people to want enough to plop down some of their hard-earned money in exchange for said product. So we definitely need to be concerned with what others are thinking (about us).
Also, the nature of our product lends itself to a vast smorgasbord of subjectivity. Our abilities are scrutinized, even our hearts, as the music is put on a public platter for consumption and either praise or ridicule… or worse yet, indifference.
All that said, why do I still care about what other people think?
This weekend, at the big Michigan craft show I have thought many times about all of the various opinions re: our presence there. We’re too loud. We’re too Christian. We’re too mellow. We’re too upbeat. We’re not loud enough. We haven’t mentioned enough that people can get CDs at our table. We’ve mentioned that TOO much.
And the wrestling match continues until the scales balance in my favor, and I feel appreciated and wanted. But that is a precarious peace as the winds of people’s opinions change direction faster than a Buffalo Bills winning streak.
🙂
So even with the knowledge of that truth, I persist in my incessant quest to be liked. On the surface it seems to be for financial gain. We need money. I need to be liked in order to sell stuff in order to make money… or so it would seem. But, perhaps it even runs deeper. Perhaps I am still quite preoccupied with me?
Isn’t that just it? Doesn’t our focus on others opinions mean that we are essentially preoccupied with ourselves? Not narcissistic, where we are oblivious to others completely. Rather, we care a lot about what our image is, about who people think we are. About what they think of us.
I already know. I am a child of God. Full heir of all the stuff my Dad has. Now, not later. I am completely loved before the creation of the world. At God’s great pleasure. And I am heaven’s masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus.
That’s who I am.
Did you notice that none of that relates to other people? The church is nice, and in fact, God openly shows his deep love for the church (all of those who belong to him, collectively) by calling her his bride in anticipation of the wedding. There is a level of emotional love and infatuation there that reveals the depth of passion with which God loves us. Not just a commitment to a forlorn spouse… but the eager anticipation of union with the One who is loved more than all. That is his love for his church.
But do you notice that his love is for me? God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes in him will not perish. That’s not for a group. That has nothing to do with anyone else. That is for me. And throughout Scripture we see glimpses of his deep and personal love for EACH of us. It’s amazing.
So since we know that, why do we focus so much on what others of God’s children perceive us to be? Or better stated, our perception of what others perceive us to be?
God definitely made us relational. That is a big part of it. In a relationship, you do care about how you are perceived. Often we take that too far, but I know I want Jen to think positively of me, and very little makes me feel more loved than Jen’s genuine expressions of affection for me, whatever forms they may take. Not out of obligation, but a real love for me… even with all my flaws.
We try hard then to ensure that the others we do life with are happy with us, that they know they are loved, and we want to know also that we are loved in return. Quite a selfish love, but, we are quite selfish at our core.
That is where Jesus is so amazing. He was able to somehow love selflessly. Eyes off of self, only driven by his affection for every single person he came across. Even the people who hated him, and whom he harshly accused (the pharisees). We see his love for them when he blasts them, then proceeds to lament at how they would not accept his offer of protection. “Jerusalem, how I have longed to take you under my wing like a hen with her chicks.” At the great cost of himself, Jesus loved deeply. Just because he did.
That is where we are to care about others. Not about what they think of us. Not about how we can be served by others, or relationship with them. Not falling into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. But really care about them. Not ourselves.
Jesus said that we can fit all of the OT into one sentence. That’s a good deal for those of you who do not like to read. (I am fairly certain that none of you reading this fall into that category as I can be quite verbose at times…) 🙂 He said that the Law & The Prophets could be summed up in this, “Love the Lord your God with all you are (my paraphrase) and love your neighbor as yourself.”
That is it right there.
And I don’t really think that’s a command. Sometimes it can feel like that, but I really believe that if we understand the depth of the love God has for us, and we live in that each day, we will love the others around us just like we have been loved. We won’t seek to win their approval. We won’t be afraid of them. We won’t compare ourselves to them, in a self-loathing way. We will know the Truth of our Father’s love for us… an unchanging constant… and that will flow into the lives of others that are around us. They will know that truth as a direct outflow of our relationship with the One who loves us most… and whose opinion really matters.
Live in God’s love for you, and the Others will benefit from your gain.