Estimated reading time: 3 minute(s)
“I’m Popeye The Sailor Man! Toot Toot!”
I used to watch that cartoon, and I even watched the movie with Robin Williams in it a time or two. (Should I be admitting that?) 🙂 And I do recall, Popeye in his familiar sailor speak (or whatever that was) saying one of his famous lines, “I yam what I yam!” He said it lamenting that he could not be a better person for Olive Oyle I think, but that was a little deep for Saturday morning cartoons, so it was just a funny line.
But this week I have been marveling at a part of me that seems to be unchangeable. Something so built-in that it really is just “who I am”. I am not one to usually put credence in such a phrase. You are able to make choices, and decisions, which affect your actions, which can change in some ways “who you are”. But there may just be certain things that God has built into us that will almost predict (if that were possible) how we might react in a certain situation.
I was talking with a friend recently about wanting to get up early in the mornings again, and get a good jump on my days that way. But every time I think of that, I start getting in this sort of funk. It can be small, but it’s still there. When I set the wake up time on my alarm, I feel myself cringe a bit. When I slide the switch over to “Alarm”, I am tempted to utter my feelings through a mumbling grumble. When the alarm goes off in the morning, it just starts my day off a bit sour.
And it’s not because I am not a morning person! Seriously! If I happen to just wake up in the morning, I kinda like it. The problem is that I am being made to do something. Yes, even though it is my own choice to do it, I am making myself do it!
Now, you are definitely already thinking, “Greg, just get over it! That’s totally weird!” But this is my point. How could I think such a thing? How could I feel restricted by my own decisions? I have always been self-employed (in my adulthood) because I need freedom, as much as possible. I really don’t like any sort of restrictions, rules, guidelines, routines, patterns, regularity, predictability — to me that is monotonous, and living death.
I can’t recall as I write this the other examples of my insanity, but the thing I am pondering is what good can come out of such a built in weirdness? I mean, at one level I am complete flexible and spontaneous, and a go-with-the-glow kinda guy. That can be good, right? But, then, if there are any pre-set plans or routines… I start to freak out! That can’t be good, can it?
I wish I could just say, “Well, I just need to be more balanced.” I can’t. At least not so far. I really “Yam what I Yam”. That doesn’t mean that I give up and do not try to at least within myself resolve the restlessness that I feel whenever I have some boundaries or confinement placed on me. It seems that could be better for me, and for others.
Or, maybe God made me to be this way, and what he made fits perfectly with where he has placed me.
I am not certain of the answer to that. I’m not certain there is an answer to that. But I’ll keep listening to my Father, and see how he plans to shape this spontaneity in me.
Right now I have to go make dinner. We’re having guests over for dinner tonight. They’ll be here at 6.
And I’m really starting to freak out because of this schedule I’ve placed on myself!!!!
😉