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Several have taken the Perma-Jube® designation and run with that, so I think I will continue to use that when referring to my generally optimistic, trusting outlook on people and life. I have a few more thoughts I have been pondering this weekend, that I think relate to my previous posts My Glass Is Half-Full, and Was It Something I Said?.
Empathy
First, I really don’t like it when people hurt. Whether it has anything to do with me or not, if it’s someone I know (usually), I hurt with them, and wish I Could do something about it. I think that is very relevant to my “Something I Said” post the other day. Not only do I wish to never hurt anyone with my words or actions, I really just don’t want anyone to hurt at all. I was reading a blog recently by someone I know and I began to get that feeling in my gut… just wishing I could somehow help. I think subconciously, I wish that Perma-Jube® was something that I could spread around.
Alas, it is not. Perma-Jube® may be a cool phrase coined by a very clever friend of mine, but it is not a product one can ingest or apply to your skin or something (though it may sound as though it is)… it is in fact a state of being that comes from life experience. My optimism does not ignore reality, but rather looks for the hope that is present in every situation. I know that it is, because even when I don’t see it… I have later discovered where it can be found. There is always hope.
So when I see people who for whatever reason can’t see the reasons to hope, or to not get lost in apparent depression or the sadness of the moment… I first grieve with them, and second, I think I grieve because I can’t help them. That’s the frustration for me. I really want to.
Unapproachable
The other thing I have noticed about my Perma-Jube® is that it often makes me seem unapproachable. “Surely no one is really that content in life. Surely it is a facade. It can’t be real, so I can’t be real with him.” I have not heard anyone say those words to me, so that feeling could be completely fabricated, but I did have a brave soul once describe me as “aloof”. I think that she was talking about my unapproachable-ness.
This is so sad because as you can see from the above, God has given me much empathy. I hurt with my friends who are hurting, and wish I could help them not. But I can not do that, or even have “real” conversations sometimes because I think I am perceived as unapproachable.
I was talking with a friend about that today, and she said she feels that way many times too. (That she is seen as “unapproachable”.) She says it comes with the territory of being “different”.
I am most certainly that. And I can not change that. It is who I am. If I tried to be “normal” I would only be playing a game, and that would benefit no one.
So, I will continue to be weird. I will probably continue to “offend”, perhaps mostly out of confusion (“Why is he so weird???“). I will continue to have a funny feeling in my gut, hurting with those who hurt, unable to do anything about it (for the most part).
And, I will continue to look for the best in anything life dishes out. Not because I am ignoring the bad, but because dwelling on the bad will accomplish nothing. It will only keep me in the bad.
Perhaps I do have more Perma-Jube® than most, but I do think it is from a life of trust – knowing that God has my back. Perhaps I am deluded, but it is what I have seen, and what I know to be true (from experience), and so I have nothing to lose by risking myself in a relationship, or for a relationship. Right? I know that I am loved and accepted (God says and shows that he feels that way about me), so I am more free to be vulnerable with other peoples, since I know that I am completely accepted by my Father.
Actually, that’s really what I want for my kids. I want them to so know they belong, and are loved as they are by their dad (me) that they have full confidence to just be themselves, completely open and honest (completely vulnerable) with other people. They will expose themselves to the greatest risk of hurt that way, but I think they also expose themselves to the greatest joy of life shared with others.
I continue to process. Thanks for your comments and thoughts. I suppose I’ll never really figure out the craziness that is “me” … but it can’t hurt to try. 🙂
Perma-Jube® is a Registered Trademark of Matt Cooper Enterprises. Sort of.
If it makes you feel any better, I see you as a very warm and friendly person. I couldn’t imagine you doing or saying anything purposely to hurt anyone.
I’m glad your glass is half full. There are enough of us around who struggle with that. My glass is half full a lot of times…but sometimes it’s not. I really hate when I get depressed. I try to hide it from the world.