Tired

As you the readers of GregsHead may already know… I am busy. Busier, more stretched-thin, and just more tired than I can ever remember being. Maybe it’s just cause I’m getting old?

Maybe I’m still trying to do too much.

But last night, as I was reading the day’s emails, news, and various things around and about Facebook, I found myself being fed up. I felt fine overall, but I might describe the emotions I felt toward some emails, news headlines, Facebook status messages, and even just general life circumstances as “despair”. I was just tired of everything and wanted it all to go away and never come back. Inside I was shouting, “I just don’t want to deal with this anymore!!!!”

Then I had to chuckle. I thought it was pretty weird (and slightly humorous) how being tired can make you feel despondent like that. ๐Ÿ™‚ I realized cognitively that was the case, I was just extremely over-tired. And, I did feel better this morning. But, I’m starting to feel the drag again tonight.

Probably something needs to change. I still haven’t figured out what. But every day I am tired. Every night I am more tired. I miss having fun. With my family, with friends. I miss relaxing. And even weirder, I end every day feeling un-finished. There may have been many great things that day, but there always seem to be so many more left unfinished.

So… kind of a funny story, but really a greater, overshadowing reality.

I’m tired!

Donte Whitner - Buffalo BillsWe were joined on the Buffalo Bills Review tonight by Bills starting strong safety, Donte Whitner! Was a fun (pretty short) conversation where we covered stuff like his being the 8th pick in the draft (and how that was such a surprise at the time!) and about his big playoff guarantee. Plus, he has a foundation that helps inner city kids and kids from single-parent homes in various ways. Cool stuff.

So, if you are a football fan, and forgot that I have a Buffalo Bills show… click on over and check it out. James Hardy (Bills’ rookie WR) will be joining us later this week on the Bills bye week. Stay tuned…

Apple: Spotlight on Notebooks

Apple is holding another event tomorrow, simply billed as “Spotlight on Notebooks“. As I’ve said before, I’ll refrain from any speculative comments re: what we might see, since I am now employed by Apple. I’ll be working there tomorrow, so I’m sure we’ll all be following the announcements as they come (as much as we can). Should be interesting to see what is updated. There are many rumors out there… tomorrow at 1pm EST we find out which are accurate.

I love Apple events ๐Ÿ™‚ (But I always wish I could afford to buy more of the fun stuff that is announced!) ๐Ÿ™‚

Hockey Is Back!

With football season in full swing, and alllll the other stuff going on around here in Campbell-land, it’s pretty hard to fit anything else in, but we were offered the good six-month promo price on digital cable so we decided to do it for the bulk of the hockey season. So far we have been rewarded.

I followed the Sabres’ offseason moves and was optimistic that we’d see a return to something more like the President’s Trophy season of two years ago. If you can extrapolate anything from only two games… we just may be!

The Sabres have won their first two games, one against the Eastern Conference champs from last season (with some great saves by our supposedly superstar goalie, as well as TWO goals in the shoot out – both of which didn’t happen much last year!) and the other in a blowout on the road – 7-1 over the NY Islanders today. If Miller plays as well as he did in the first game (and as well as he did in the previous few years other than last season) then we certainly can score goals…

Could be a fun year!

Could we have two championship teams in Buffalo this year??! (How crazy would that be??!)

So, busy here, but having fun.
Go Buffalo!

Three Little Known Facts

I was thinking today… I bet that you – no matter how much you may read this blog – may not know the following three things about me…

  1. I am an ordained minister. (It’s true! No lie!)
  2. I have a friend who refuses to call me anything but Mitch (and various derivatives)
  3. Both of my grandpas, and three of my uncles (and one cousin!) are named “James” (and various derivatives) (AND, my father-in-law and one brother-in-law are both named “Jimmie”!! What in the world??!)

Betcha didn’t know.

What Will Be

The other day, as I was becoming slightly frustrated trying to find a towel in the bathroom that had not been used by one of the other shower-ers in the house, I found myself flashing forward in my mind. It was a quick trip to the not-too-distant future. A future when my bathroom will be my bathroom. My towel will be my towel, and no one else’s. I won’t have to wonder if my toothbrush – that looks very similar to some others in the cup full of toothbrushes – has been used by anyone else.

And I thought, “I bet… when that happens… I might just find myself crying every now and again.”

Now, I’m not really that sappy I don’t think. But in a moment of frustration, I also had a moment of clarity. It is really super awesome that six of my favorite people share the bathroom with me. (Well, ok, not six yet. Emma doesn’t use it much…) As hard as it can be in some ways to live with so many people, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

And I know I will miss it. A lot.

So for now, I’m glad I find stuff a little out of place now and then. OK… always. But, I am glad. I love sharing my house with these people. I bet when they leave, I’ll be coming to visit pretty often… ๐Ÿ™‚

Viewer Discretion Advised

We like to watch football on Sundays. A lot. We usually have football on from about 12 noon till 11pm or later. We don’t sit in front of the TV that whole time, but it’s just on.

That said, we are super thankful for Tivo. Any time a commercial comes on we hit “pause” because mostly, commercials if not completely offensive, they’re just not so good for little eyes. (Or ours!) We have noticed though that the worst ones seem to be the ones advertising the TV shows on that network! And today I found it humorous that the line they add to every show promo is, “Viewer Discretion Advised.”

I think they could just slap that on TV in general.

I saw the new Knight Rider show this week, and though I thought it was a pretty good story, and I really want to like it, it just goes too far. Too much skin, too many inappropriate sexual references… and all TV is like that. We were longing for the “old days” when you could send your kids in to watch a show and not worry about it. Definitely not true today… the shows aren’t even “safe” for me ๐Ÿ™

It’s OK. There are better things to do than watch TV, but I have found that you really could apply that phrase almost across the board on all shows on all networks.

Viewer Discretion Advised.

Absence Explained

Y’all may have noticed that it’s been verrrrry quiet around here lately. I’ve explained it before, but before I post a couple different things here today, I thought I’d try to explain again…

I’M BUSY!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ve been working even more hours at Apple now as a “Creative” (and totally loving it!) and still have a full plate as a web designer, and as you may have guessed, with the Bills doing so well, our Buffalo Bills show is attracting more attention, and feeling like it is requiring more and more time.

All is good, but this blog has definitely lacked for content, eh? ๐Ÿ™‚

Stay tuned. More to come.

Feeling Old

Yesterday as I was walking through the mall on my lunch break at Apple, I was reminded again that I really am old. ๐Ÿ™‚

Yes, I realize I am exaggerating a bit. Turning 34 soon does not in most circles qualify as old, but it seems that at the mall… it does!

First of all, most of my co-workers at the Apple store are all a good bit younger than me. It’s an interesting experience, actually. But, perhaps more on that later…

As I was walking from lunch back to my afternoon shift yesterday, I noticed that the mall was pretty empty, but there was a high concentration of young moms with very young kids. Then I noticed that these young moms… looked like kids themselves! Are moms of two and three year olds really that young??? Did we (Jen) look that young when Ian was only 2 or 3???

Probably. ๐Ÿ™‚

Just a funny moment of realizing that, yeah… I am getting old!

Power

I am just a little bit afraid right now. As I type this, I am sitting on my porch in the middle of either the remnants of, or the after effects of hurricane Ike. Mind you, I live in western New York state. Hurricanes don’t usually affect us much more than a long, steady soaking.

It’s really amazing. I was writing an article for my Buffalo Bills site and kept hearing things falling outside. I remembered it was going to be windy, but didn’t realize the magnitude. I checked in on it every once in a while, but wanted to finish my article tonight, and head to bed.

As I was turning stuff off to head to bed, the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves picked up. Perhaps because I was shutting things down, or perhaps it really was picking up. Either way, I was drawn to it. I just wanted to sit on the porch and observe this amazing power that was sweeping over us.

When I first sat down, the leaves of the trees were swirling and swaying and thrusting back and forth like crazy. The sound was just amazing. So loud. I could see the effects of the wind in the trees right above me (we have several very large trees on our property) and in the distance, in our neighbors’ yards across the way.

Either way it was impressive.

I noticed that I actually began humming a tune from the Chris Tomlin CD we recently purchased, “Hello Love”. The lyric goes something like the old hymn, “Holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, early in the morning we will sing…” I thought that was cool, and sort of odd. Certainly made sense that my brain would automatically pull that from the file. We all learn that bigness, and huge, visible power are equated with God. His majesty is awesome and terrifying. “Holy, holy, we bow down before Thee…” Sitting in the middle of this storm, it made sense to feel that, and to feel this tension that still quickens my pulse.

But almost in the same instant that I involuntarily sang that song, I also contemplated the way that I have come to know the One who made the wind. I know him as my Father. As the One who calls me his friend, his son. While he is still the same in his divine superiority to me, my relationship with him is different than it was a five or ten years ago, when I might have understood him more in a position of unworthiness and fear and trembling.

The image that comes to mind is that of my own children. In the middle of a heated moment, I can be fairly terrifying to them. Either because of my anger (which I wish was less directed at them) or because of their guilt and wrong-doing… either way, there is a “healthy” fear. I’m way bigger than they are. And I am the “law”, the “judge” and “jury”. Their fate rests in my hands. I am always surprised at how even when I am angered by something they have done, they can still stand right in front of me, not afraid of what might happen to them… and sometimes even reach out for a genuine, comforting hug.

It should not surprise me, though. The reason that I do not feel the need to confirm my fear of my Father is because he continues to reveal to me the depth of his love for me. And the more I understand his love for me, the more I can trust myself near him. Even if he is holy, awesome, terrifying, mighty, powerful, and all of those big, scary words.

His love – and my relationship to it – trumps the fear that I might otherwise have.

Another thought that comes to mind as I still am awed by this crazy display of “power” all around me (probably 30-40 mph gusts!) is the time when God to revealed himself to Elijah. Elijah was depressed, and God wanted to show him who he was, and how he works, so he said, “Go out and stand before me on the mountain.”

Here’s the section from 1 Kings:

“Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the LORD told him. And as Elijah stood there, the LORD passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.
1 Kings 19:11-12

God was not in the things we think he would be in. He wasn’t in the stuff that we consider “powerful.” He was in the whisper. I don’t think Elijah still got in, because he just asked God the same thing. I’m certain that we still “don’t get it” because we keep thinking that God is distant, awe-inspiring (in the celestial, humongous way) and to be feared.

But who fears a whisper?

We don’t. Perhaps we should. There are plenty of references to people fearing God. And of course there are reasons to… until you know him. And then, even though there may be moments… when you really think about it, all you want to do is get a genuine, comforting hug from the One whom some would fear.

We see power very differently. I’m still in awe of this display of power tonight. This wind can knock down very large limbs. It already has. I’ll have some clean up to do tomorrow. I could definitely be hurt by flying, falling, heavy objects. There is reason to fear. (Though I am safely under the overhang of my porch…)

But as I learn to trust my Father, based on daily life lived with him, I do not fear him as I once may have. My fear has been “cast out” by his perfect love. And that love continues to deepen. I will never understand it fully, but the more I do, the more I can sit calmly in the presence of the Mighty, Fearsome, Terrifying Lord of Lords.

His power is not in his display of grandiose showmanship (though that can be cool!), but rather in his love for me, and his choosing to serve rather than be served. (Like we see Jesus doing for his disciples.)

I certainly don’t have any definitive answers. But these are my thoughts, in the middle of a wind storm, this late summer night.