Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s)
You know, I guess I always assume God’s forgiveness. There are so many stories telling me how ready God is to forgive me. He’s just waiting for me to come back.
And I completely believe it. I just forget how much it costs.
I was noticing recently that it is not easy to forgive.
That sounds silly, even as I write it. You’d think by age 30 I could understand that it is hard to swallow hurt and forgive someone.
But I guess I don’t.
Sometimes it is easy for me. Sometimes the hurt is not so deep, the loss is not so great, and the forgiveness can be dished out a bit easier.
But sometimes it isn’t easy. Sometimes the hurt does run deep. Sometimes the foundation of trust has been slowly eroded for so long that it feels like it is beginning to crumble.
And I wondered, how does He do it? How does he forgive me over and over and OVER again. I must hurt him so much. But his love surpasses the boundaries of my wildest imagination. That much is quite obvious.
Father, help me to live in your love so much today that I can see past all my hurt and love the people around me like you do. I can’t understand all the hurt from ME that you have eaten, that you’ve forgotten over the years. And I am sure there will be lots more. But I think you can help me. Please do. There is no greater gift I can give anyone than even a shadow of your love.
Let your love flow through me now.
(For complete song lyrics, and audio sample, click here.)
Hmm… forgiveness. Yes, part of the charactor of God that proves so challenging for us humans. It’s so easy to justify our condemnation of others. It’s so easy to tupperware our anger and resentment and refridgerate it until a time when breaking that freshness seal with make the biggest impression on the person or people who’ve wronged us. Sometimes we even think we’re entitled to our stored anger. That guy who cut me off on the highway (well, it may have been a lady in all fairness… but i was took focused on informing said person of their poor driving praxis)… it’s not too hard to forgive them. Often it’s harder to get off my own back for yelling “Pick a lane, moron!” But when friends leave, or families fall apart, or dreams die and hopes taunt you from the other side of the street… it’s hard to let those things be. Don Henley lost his wife to his career.(i think he’s only been married once… doesn’t change the meaning) Fortunately, he’s a gifted writer who lets me into his world and lets me understand what he went through. He writes in “The Heart of The Matter”:
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
Wow… That’s so hard. Forgiveness is equal parts God’s blessing on our spirits and our will’s willingness to allow it. Sometimes it’s just so hard, but the blessings run both directions. Nothing lifts the albatross off our necks quite like forgiving someone who’s damaged us… and nothing feels quite as good as when someone says “I no longer hold that against you.” Mind you, forgiveness doesn’t mean re-engaging stupidity (ie. i’ve forgiven my ex-wife…and i hope she’s forgiven me…but i’m not about to remarry her and let her in that close, that’d be stupid) Forgiveness doesn’t require that. But it does require an act of the will… and that’s wicked hard. I have people who would benefit from my forgiveness, and 3x as many people who i’ve wronged in my days that i would love to be forgiven from. That forgiveness is better than chocolate. Someday we’ll understand it fully.
(sidenote: Sorry if i’ve wronged any of you cyber-readers. :))