I Want To Be God

Estimated reading time: 3 minute(s)

After some harsh words spoken in anger to my son last night, and the regret I was feeling afterwards, and the thoughts that whirled through my head on how to fix it, I realized what my ultimate goal in life is.

I want to be God.

I want to always respond in kindness and with gracious words of wisdom for my children.

I want to always be available for my wife, listening to her as if she were the most important person in the world to me (because she is) and never responding to her in selfish impatience or anger.

I want to respond to everyone in my life, friends, family, even strangers as though they were the crown-jewel of creation. A person made in God’s image, no matter what my eyes might see. I even wish I could see them completely as who they are, by-passing entirely the outward appearance and seeing the depths of the unique being they were created to be. I want to listen and respond and always show love and grace even by just listening, but also in my response and or by my own initiation.

I want to never sleep or grow weary, it would be very handy.

I want to have all the answers, so that I can help people along the journey with the perfect answer for every situation.

I want to be perfect in every choice I make, word I say, thought I have, action I take, interaction with people – I hate making mistakes… I just want to always do the right thing.

There’s probably more, but… I think I have made my point. The point was made to me last night. I am still under the illusion that I could somehow attain most all of those things. I am trying to be God.

But there’s only one of Him, and I’m not Him. He is. And for that I am thankful. I guess I need to learn to be OK with who I am (that sounds like modern psycho-babble, so I am sorta laughing as I say this, but bear with me…) and find the joy of being who the Perfect One created me to be.

I am fallible. I make many mistakes. I am not always gracious, loving, compassionate, forgiving, patient, kind or gentle even to the people I love the most. I am most definitely not God.

I will still, I think, strive for such things. I so want to be like my Father. He is all of that to me. I think what he continues to show me is it’s not something I can do, he must work those things in me. I can point myself in his direction, and focus on his kingdom and his righteousness, and he does the rest. And I think he is showing me that I can’t achieve perfection in all of those areas. If I did, I suppose I would be God.

And I most definitely am NOT.