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Thinking more about what I wrote last night, I remembered another train of thought that I have been processing recently. I have been trying to figure out again why I seem to have more of a positive take on the world and humanity than most every other human being I know. A friend of mine says I have “Perma-Jube” (Permanent Jubilation, I think?) because in contrast to him, I most certainly do. ๐
Not that I think everyone else is mean, or always in a bad mood. It’s not that. It’s more along the lines of personal interaction. The instances in life that have made me ponder this have been misunderstood personal conversations, via phone or email especially (or even “second hand” conversations). I realize that those are certainly inferior modes of communication, but even within those, it seems I have room to “assume the best”.
I think if you think of the question, “Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?” I would have to say that my glass is always going to be half full. In fact, I think I would probably look at it and dare to say that it’s almost full, because surely it’s on the way to being full. That’s just the way I think!
So, my thoughts turned to genetics, and how we are “wired”. I can’t really believe that everyone else has had such a hard life that it has turned them into skeptical pessimists in their everyday dealings with other people. That leaves personality. Perhaps my personality is to be trusting, optimistic, some would say “naive”… always assuming the best of other people, even if it does not appear that way. My experience of late is that most everyone else leans toward mistrust and pessimism/skepticism when dealing with other folks. Jen says it is because they have been burned too many times by others. But I think I have too… why do I go on assuming the best in others?
Well, I will continue to ponder this, and I am sure I will add to this later. Right now we are packing up to go to Bills Training Camp. Oh man! If you want to see an example of my “optimism”, check this out!
If anyone has any thoughts on built-in personality vs. life experience and how that shapes our general attitudes in life, I’d love to hear them. Are there any others out there on Perma-Jube?
I think there’s an important distinction between being optimistic about facts or outcomes and being optimistic regardless of facts or outcomes. I’ll try to explain.
Suppose you’re stranded on an island without food and water. Now, would you be optimistic in the first sense? That is, would you say (in perma-jubilation) that “well, this isn’t a problem” and “everything’s fine”? To me, that’s delusional and it’s not good for your critical faculties. It’s like not seeing reality for what it is. It is, in a word, childish. “I wanna be a Toys R us kid!”
However, there’s a second sense of optimism that’s in my opinion far better. If e.g. you’re stranded on the island you realize and admit the situation you’re in is bad. “I don’t have water and I’m most likely going to die soon.” “Boy it’s hot and I feel very pissed off!” Although at first blush such a person may seem pessimistic it’s not necessarily true. Why? Such a person could nevertheless have a kind of centeredness and personal composure in the face of dehydration and death: “I’m going to die, but that’s okay.”
So, both kinds of “optimists” may say things like “everything’s going to be fine” but they mean very different things. To the first kind of optimist it means “there’s really no problem” / “my glass is more than 1/2 full”. While to the second kind of optimist it means “no matter what kinds of bad things happen, I am not fundamentally shaken – I am at peace and accept the way things will turn out.”
To me, the first kind of optimism may be genetic. It’s “seeing the world through rose-colored glasses”. It’s unrealistic and I think dangerous to one’s critical thinking abilities. It’s bearing false witness of sorts. The second kind of optimism, however, is I think the result of years of maturing. It requires mental training to maintain this kind of optimism when faced with the realities of life. It requires insight and perspective.
I’m not making any judgment about which sense of optimism describes you better, Greg. I’d need to think more about that. But I think we need to be sure we keep this distinction in mind. It’s a distinction between accepting and denying reality. I think the person who simply denies reality and may feel happier may in the end turn into a very bitter person if reality keeps crashing into his denials: e.g. his wife gets cancer and dies, he loses his job and can’t find another, and he gets AIDS and becomes very sick. The person who accepts that the cup is “1/2 empty” or “1/2 full” and that it just the way the world is, is in my mind a stronger optimist. This second kind of optimism will serve us better throughout life. And I think you can only tell if you’re this latter kind of optimist after you’ve been through many of life’s ordeals.
I think there is much to be said for having a half-full take on life. I have to believe that God is an optimist, or He would have come back a long time ago and set things right, but He waits patiently for as many people as possible to come into the kingdom. And He also has the advantage of knowing the future, which I guess helps. ๐ But I would say that following Christ means we can totally be optimists, because we can completely trust in God. I think that you see God in others, and try to love them as He does. But I can totally relate to that gnawing in your gut and how you dislike having misunderstandings. It’s funny because I always thought that I was laid back and easy to get along with. I let things roll off and I don’t get worked up easily (unless kids are whining ๐ I also tend to have the half-full thing working. But I have realized that sometimes this belief about myself caused me to sometimes seem unreachable by people. Somehow my laid back way would across as lack of caring or accessibility or even arrogance. And even worse, I thought I was so easy going that I couldn’t possibly be the one who did something wrong in this relationship– and it IS kind of a subconscious pride thing that I have to keep my eye on. It’s humbling when we realize that we are so totally imperfect, and I can see why many people get depressed or half a half-empty perspective, but for me, it only reinforces my optimism!! And I think that is why you are a glass half-full person, you believe God’s promises and have the joy of the Lord. That is why I check out your blog- it helps fill my cup when I need encouragement. God doesn’t even want our cups to be only half-full– He wants to fill them to overflowing! Blessings Greg.
Good points, ู ุชู. It’s true that some optimists are just ignoring reality. I really don’t think that’s me. I have learned over time that there (for me) is no benefit of dwelling on what is bad about any situation, but to look for positives. Usually (again, for me) it’s not very hard. There are times though that life is just bad, and that’s that. What can you do besides just press on?
Steph, thanks for the kind words. I do not always feel like I am an encouragement to others – since I am sorting through my own confusions… how could I be? But you are right. Most all of my optimism comes from knowing that God loves me, and is ultimately bigger than anything that life might dish out. So, come what may, there is an underlying peace from knowing that, and knowing him.
Thanks all for the thoughts. I continue to process and ponder my strangeness. ๐
I think I’ll be at this for a while…