Tag / Parenting

by Greg

Please and Thank You

Thank YouOne thing that our son Cameron is good at is common courtesies. He’s very good at remembering to say “please”, and he’s nearly flawless with “thank you”, and he’s famous for his, “Wehcm.” (That’s his version of “you’re welcome”, said quickly with an emphasis on the harder “m” sound to end the word.)

Not sure why he picked up on the practice more than the other children, but it comes natural to him, whereas it’s less so among his siblings.

This past weekend I was talking with our niece about life as a big family. She has said before, and maintains still, that she wants to have lots of kids some day. (And many times hence I have brought up that topic, to ascertain what would create such a desire in her…) 🙂 I mentioned to her that I’ve learned through the years (especially since our family has grown larger) that patience is a huge key to life as a large family.

“Do you feel like you’re a patient person?” I asked her.

“Well, yes… unless they don’t behave,” replied she.

(Now, stop! It’s not nice to snicker!)

She added, “Like, your kids. They are the most well-behaved kids I know!”

After letting a quick laugh escape from my lips, I informed her that they are definitely not always “well-behaved”. In fact, many and sundry images of that non-well-behaved behavior flashed into my mind as I uttered those words. And I remembered why I said patience is very important…

“You know,” I continued, “One thing—maybe, the thing—we really try to stress with our kids is to think of other people: consider others more than yourself. I think that’s probably a reason that you saying they are the ‘best behaved kids’.”

She agreed, and we talked a bit more, but I dwelled on that thought a bit. I wondered if maybe that is the core of what I want to pass along to our kids.

Certainly I want them to know Jesus, and to learn to listen to Father and walk in step with the Spirit. And I want them to understand the Good News, that ‘while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us’; and, ‘So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.’; and that, ‘Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.’

That’s most important, and I believe when we know that—at our core, as our foundation—then we are more able, more ready to consider others. When we are valued, we can more properly value others.

And, at least in some way, I hope that Cameron’s simple expressions of courtesy show not only his consideration and respect for others, but that it evidences at least the beginnings of a deeper reality from whence such behavior has its source. And similarly that the ‘good behavior’ exhibited by his siblings is a fruit of a deeper root rather than a mere act of habit or will.

That is my hope. And my goal.

As I thought of this today, I decided to make homemade Thank You cards for all of my kids (and Jen) for the Christmas gifts they thoughtfully purchased, wrapped, and gave to me. I drew a little Christmassy drawing on the front of each and wrote a one- or two- sentence personal greeting inside.

Cam has had a really hard day today, so when I first saw him (after a work day in my office) he was crying and very frustrated. After making sure I had his attention, I gave him his card, and asked if he’d like me to read it to him. He agreed, and when I did, a smile came across his face and he asked me to read it again. And then again. His countenance was very much lighter, and I made his day just by saying a personal Thank You. (And I don’t think his card even had a “Thank You” in it! Ha!)

Little things matter, to be sure. And even more so if they come from a bigger, deeper foundation of thinking of others more than yourself.

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Treat others in the same way that you would want them to treat you.

A simple please and/or thank you is a good step in that direction. (Or a good evidence of a deeper peace where such courtesy has its origin.)

I hope you have a chance offer this simple courtesy—or maybe be on the receiving end—sometime soon.

And… Thank you for reading. 🙂

by Greg

Real Stuff

I am not a food or nutrition “nut”. (And I can’t imagine I’d ever be accused of being so.) But I do keep moving more and more toward making sure that I and my family are eating actual food. Both because of health, and because of taste!

However, there are some holiday traditions (and family traditions) that transcend the “eat real food” principle.

Cool Whip would be one of them.

Much of the fluffy white stuff was consumed atop much pumpkin pie over the past two days (and likely more will be today). There was mention of perhaps purchasing real whipped cream, but that idea was quickly chastised, and Cool Whip was the one and only choice.

And I do admit, it does not taste bad. But as I sampled it, I thought, This doesn’t even have any milk in it, does it? To my surprise, it does: Skim milk and a small amount of light cream. Still, when you see the rest of the ingredients—and you know that whipped cream, at least from scratch, is just whipped heavy cream, and maybe vanilla—you do begin to wonder why anyone would put this substance inside their bodies…

Friday was leftover day, and that meant copious amounts of turkey were consumed throughout the day. Well, what is turkey without mashed potatoes, right? Due to other events scheduled for the day (Ian’s playing in a hockey tournament, and he had two games on Friday!) there was not time to properly address the lack of mashed potatoes problem. Being resourceful—and apparently lax in principle—I grabbed the box of instant mashed potatoes we had sitting in our pantry. (I think it may have been a gift from some friends last Thanksgiving!)

As I was making the fake potatoes, I thought of several things. First, Jen and I used to eat these regularly when we were first married. I think that’s because, second, my Mom used to make potatoes from a box when I was a teenager. (Maybe younger, too.) She makes the real stuff for all holiday family gatherings, now, though. I don’t think I made real mashed potatoes until just a few years ago. Now that’s all that I make, exclusively (…except when we have this box, and we’re in a hurry.) 🙂

When they were finished and I whipped up the little flakes into what resembled mashed potatoes (though somewhat plasticky/rubbery) I recounted those thoughts to my kids as we ate them. Again, they didn’t taste bad—in fact, our eight- and six-year olds sang their praises—but all I could think about was what a bad substitute they are. And I wondered, too, if the list of ingredients could be as crazy as Cool Whip?

Well, let’s have a look at the two pseudo foods I’ve mentioned here, shall we?

Cool Whip

Water, hydrogenated vegetable oil (coconut & palm kernel oils), high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, skim milk, (<2%...) light cream, sodium caseinate, natural and artificial flavor, xanthan and guar gums, polysorbate 60, sorbitan monostearate, sodium polyphosphate, beta carotene (color).

Instant Mashed Potatoes

Idaho® potatoes, with emulsifier (mono and diglycerides from vegetable oil) and preservative (sodium acid pyrophosphate, sodium bisulfite, citric acid, mixed tocopherols).

Note: The potatoes we had were the Aldi brand, Chef’s Cupboard (I think), and not Hungry Jack. But I figured they’re close enough for the representative photo.

After I read those lists of ingredients to the kids, I got out the bag of potatoes and read the “ingredients” on that: Potatoes. (And we had mentioned that whipped cream is just cream, again, one thing, with maybe some flavoring.)

“Which of those sounds more like something you would eat?” I asked with a knowing smile.

“The potatoes,” said a chorus of children in confident unison.

So my final question here is, what is wrong with us? Why do we put that stuff in our bodies? Is it only because it’s cheaper? Easier? Is it really because of the taste? (I can answer for my wife on the whipped topping question: YES, the TASTE!) 🙂

I find it so fascinating that we treat our bodies this way. It’s not really that difficult to make mashed potatoes from real ingredients, nor obviously to make whipped cream (you just, whip… cream?) but our culture makes icons out of the fake stuff. Fascinating.

Well, aside from some family and holiday traditions that just can’t be broken, we will continue towards eating more and more real stuff. (Including things we grow ourselves!)

And I imagine our bodies will thank us for it.

by Greg

Special Moments

Some days just have those moments.

Today has had plenty. (And not all good ones, mind you.)

Jen had a super-frustrating day with (she said) every one of the kids, who just wouldn’t listen to her at all. They only wanted what they wanted when they wanted it. Eventually, she just couldn’t take it anymore and walked away from what she was trying to do, attempting to clear her head.

(It was during this time that Jen decided to make soup, which is something she wouldn’t usually do, and without a recipe, which is something she definitely wouldn’t do! The best part? It turned out great! Was a nice “moment” for Jen to enjoy a great (tasty) bit of success in an otherwise hard day.)

At dinner, we came to another moment where I erupted into a very intense monologue full of very direct, clear reminders of things we’ve taught the kids since they came into this world. Very direct. Pretty loud. And I meant every word of it.

That was a moment.

Then Mom went out for the evening to do some shopping, but mainly to “clear her head”. Much needed, and hopefully she is being refreshed. (I’ll find out when she gets home!)

As the clean-up team took care of the kitchen (and the other two took care of the other rooms) I bathed the youngest two. They really needed it.

(Note: I am quite sick. Nasty head cold, stuffy, bad cough, just keep saying, “My head feels weird…” So… that makes for a more interesting bath time. Oh, and Cam is just as sick as me!)

That was a moment. (But not too bad, actually.)

The girls got their baths, and I got everyone dressed for bed and hair brushed and all that must be done. Then Alex got his quick shower and we were ready for the evening activity.

Tonight, it was singing.

I got my guitar, and a box of chord charts for worship songs, and we just started playing through them. Some the kids knew, most they didn’t. But that didn’t stop them from singing. And dancing. And smiling. And really LOUD singing!

That was a moment. A different sort of moment. (A heart-smile kind of moment.)

I encouraged Ian to get his bass guitar out, and Alex converted a plastic pumpkin trick-or-treat bucket into a percussive instrument, and suddenly we had a band. And even though we didn’t know the song to begin with, by the end of one song Julia had a huge smile on her face… and tears on her cheeks.

“I’m crying!” says little Julia Gayle. “Why are you crying, Julia?” I asked gently. “It’s just because of the singing!” She almost couldn’t believe that music could do that to you, but at the same time, she knew deep within her that it did do that to her.

That was a moment.

Then came bedtime. We usually play with a Dad-animated stuffed friend at some point. Tonight it was the stuffed friend, Baboo. (Cam’s name for his little red-white-and-blue doggie.) We laughed, we had fun, we hugged (Cam wanted two hugs..) and we prayed together for our family.

That was another moment. (After which Cam wanted another hug…)

Days are full of moments. Some are good, some are “eh”, and some are pretty bad (or really bad). I feel like today kinda had all of those for us. Maybe most days do. Sometimes we get tricked into focusing on the bad moments though and we miss the little good ones that are still there, or can be there if and when we look for them.

They’re there. They were for us tonight.

Keep your heart and mind and eyes fixed on Jesus, and he’ll show you the moments. He’s in the moments, actually. All of them.

And if we know that—and live that—that is what makes them special.

by Greg

Mortimer The Frog

Several years ago, I thought I’d try my hand at writing a few children’s tales. I had some ideas and just went for it. Some were your typical light and fluffy kid fare, others were more moral-of-the-story kind of tales, and also a bit lengthy.

Then there was Mortimer The Frog.

I just remembered these stories this week, and then read it to our two youngest tonight before bed. They actually really enjoyed it (though they wished there were pictures to go along with it). It kept their attention, and I loved hearing their thoughts after it was over 🙂

So, making its public debut here at GregsHead.net … Mortimer The Frog:

Mortimer The Frog

On a day like this, the bog is the best place to be. Everything is so quiet and still, all that you hear are the tiny bugs flying lazily from place to place before they land right in a hungry frog’s belly. Yes, the life of a frog is really quite good.

But sometimes, even the best frogs make mistakes. And sometimes those mistakes hurt! That’s what happened to Mortimer. We’ll call him Mort, for short.

Mortimer was the oldest of three little froglets. He had a younger Brother Frog and a younger Sister Frog. They all lived in the bog together, enjoying the quiet and eating as many bugs as they could catch with their nice long tongues.

But Mort felt like he wanted to do more. He liked his life with his Mom Frog and his Dad Frog, and his Brother and Sister Frogs, but sometimes he wished his Mom Frog or his Dad Frog wouldn’t always tell him what not to do. They always had something to say to him like, “Mort, don’t jump on those flowers!” or, “Mort, don’t go too far from the bog!” or, “Watch out, Mort! That is a slippery log!”

Mort got tired of always listening to his Mom Frog and his Dad Frog. He was tired of being a good example for his baby Brother and Sister Frogs. So one day, he decided to see what would happen if he didn’t listen to what his Mom Frog had said.

“Don’t go past that log over there, Mort. You need to stay on this side of the log in the bog.”

All Mort could think about after his Mom Frog said that was what might be on the other side of that log? What could it be that worried his Mom Frog so? It couldn’t be that bad, now could it?

When Mom Frog was tending to the other froglets, Mort took a chance and hopped as quietly as he could over to the log.

Flop-Plop. Flop-Plop.

It was a big log. It was covered with slippery moss. It was even hollow to explore on the end. It looked like a lot of fun to Mort! What could be so dangerous?

So Mort poked his head in the log and found some delicious looking bugs crawling around. With a few swift shots of his tongue, he found himself a nice afternoon snack! This was the life! Out on his own, doing what he wanted, eating bugs no one else knew about… what more could a young frog want?

After he had explored every nook and cranny of that hollowed out log, he hopped outside again and thought, “I wonder what is on the other side of this log? It couldn’t be the bad now, could it?”

Once again, he decided that his Mom Frog must be thinking about something else. This all seems so good and so fun! He knew she loved him, so she would want him to have fun. “She just didn’t know that the log was perfectly fine!” Mort thought, “There’s no danger here! I’ll hop around the other side and tell her all about it when I get back! She’ll be so happy for all the fun that I have had!”

So on he hopped. Past the corner of the hollowed out log. Past the confines of their quaint little bog. No one there, just Mortimer Frog.

Just then he heard a strange voice say, “Hellooo there! What a surprise to see such a nice young frog on this side of the log outside of the bog!”

When Mort turned around, he saw a big friendly snake, wearing a grin.

“My Mom Frog told me I shouldn’t go out here, but it seemed to me to be not only safe, but great fun as well! And I know my Mom Frog wants me to have fun…” Mort said it almost as though he was convincing himself that he was right.

“Oh yessss,” came the happy snake’s reply. “Mom Frogs sometimes just don’t know what’s on the other side of the log outside the bog. If they knew, they would definitely want their young frogs to be out here having fun! That’s what we do on this side of the log!”

“I can see! I have had so many delicious bugs, and explored places I never knew were there! What a great day!”

“And all because you decided for yourself, and went your own way, instead of listening to your Mom Frog, and what she had to say,” offered the sly snake.

“Why don’t you come over here and let me show you some more fun things on this side of the log?” invited the still grinning snake.

“Sure!” said Mort. He was so excited about his adventures on his own, he wasn’t even thinking at all about what his Mom Frog had warned about going past the log outside the bog.

The snake went down the hill a bit, past another log, “It’s not far now,” he said, and stopped at the edge of a big rock.

“Come over here, there’s something I want to show you.” said the snake, with his wide, scaly grin.

Mort happily hopped to the edge of the rock. He was so free! His choices were his own! His Mom Frog and Dad Frog would be so proud when he got home!

But as Mort reached the edge of that rock past the log that was outside the bog, he learned the reason his Mom Frog had said, “Don’t go past that log over there, Mort. You need to stay on this side of the log in the bog.”

Mort did not know what his Mom Frog had known. Outside the bog, on the other side of the log, are the snakes. Snakes who eat frogs.

The snake still wore his grin, as he slithered away. He had a belly full of Frog that day. That sly snake was mighty happy the day that Mortimer Frog decided to do things his way!

by Greg

On Chick-fil-A… and diversity in general

Chick-fil-A Eat Mor ChikinFirst, I am not really a big fan of Chick-fil-A’s food. (But my wife really is, so it’s a special treat when we are in Chick-fil-A territory!) Thus, this post is not really about their food, or their fun kid’s meal toys, or the fact that they play Christian music in their restaurants, nor that they are closed on Sundays.

But you probably already knew that.

If you haven’t heard—and, well, it’s possible that you haven’t?—the Christian-owned, alternative-to-cows restaurant has been in the news for the past month thanks to remarks that company president and COO, Dan Cathy. Here’s what he said:

Re: the “crisis of fatherlessness”

As an employer, first off, just from that perspective, I see it as a real crisis, in the sense that there is a certain amount of emotional DNA—there’s physical DNA obviously that comes from the dad and also from the mom, but beyond that—there’s some essential emotional DNA that God intended for us to give, from a mother and a dad that, we observe over our life as children—in infancy, and then growing up—that we can only get from our dad, and we can only get from a mother. And we’re to get it in a home, dynamic environment where they’re interrelating together, to build the stability and the self-esteem that God wants us to have to get through our teenage years.

Now when we don’t have one side or the other, you know, I just have to tell you, I think we’re just emotionally handicapped. Doesn’t mean we can’t survive and have a happy life, but it means that we’re gonna have some odds stacked against us. Hopefully there can be somebody that intervenes to help make that up for us. But, uh, to have so many people today that are growing up in homes where they don’t have a mom and dad—I’ll tell you, as an employer, it makes it that much more difficult for us, because we sometimes actually have to have a parenting role.

As it relates to society in general, I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage. And, I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we would have the audacity to try to redefine what marriage is all about.

Wait. Is that all?

Yep.

Where is the controversy? WHERE is the “anti-gay” that peppers every headline on from every “news” organization?

No really. Where is it?

See, so much of what we hear (and react to) is hype. And it’s predetermined. “What? Someone promoted a traditional, Mom-and-Dad-in-the-same-home family?? THEY HATE GAYS! Boycott!! Tell everyone you know!!!” And then the reaction, “What? They’re attacking my favorite Christian restaurant for speaking the truth against legalizing gay marriage??! Get out and support them! Buy ‘mor chikin’! Tell all your friends!!”

Ugh.

First of all, if you have the time, please listen to this clip—the one that started this recent fury… I mean, flurry of activity on the blogs, social media, and news sites. The whole Dan Cathy interview starts around 21:28, and the part quoted above starts at 29:43. Cathy was a guest on the Ken Coleman Show (never heard of it…) on Father’s Day weekend, talking about his Dad, and his own marriage of 40-plus years to his one wife, and the benefits of a Mom-and-Dad, stable family. Listen:

[audio:http://gregshead.net/audio/6-16%20Strong%20Fathers_%20Dan%20Cathy%20%26%20Dr.%20Meg%20Meeker.mp3]

People. Please. PLEASE. Stop the knee-jerk reactions. Your favorite commentarians (that’s not a word) are NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. Probably not usually right. Take a breath… use Google (or other resources… talking to actual people is good, too!) 🙂 and try to find what is actually being said. If the headline says “Anti”-anything, plan on doing some major filtering. Find quotes, but find LONG quotes. Look for the sources of those quotes (like the show above).

I just can’t believe the agenda that nearly everyone has, one way or another. Truth does not appear to be as important as being first to post, or furthering one’s own worldview—whether or not the item being discussed actually supports or even has anything to do with said agenda.

I will keep pounding this drum till the cows come home. Listen to each other. Go to the source. Believe in each other.

We have to stop using the word “anti” unless it’s really true. Pro-traditional family is not anti-anything! (Except anti-non-traditional-family? But it’s still not anti if it’s FOR something.) Aren’t people who want women to have the choice to end a pregnancy nearly always referred to as “Pro-Choice”? But the opposite side of that argument—those who are actually against abortion—are called anti-abortion-ers. (Though, that side prefers Pro-Life, I believe.) That seems to be a case where words are used correctly.

But what Dan Cathy said, and those who think traditional, one man, one woman, married for life family is a better option (or, the best option), can not be labeled “anti-gay”—or anti-anything—when they are promoting, not protesting.

He is welcome to believe and even promote what he believe (unless it actually injures someone else, or keeps them from doing the same), and everyone else can listen (or not) and then respond (or not) as they see fit. But, as I said above, the response should follow really listening. Not just a knee-jerk (“pre-programmed”) response to a second-to-forty-fourth-hand report about what “someone said”.

There are many more articles to read. Please browse at your leisure.

And be nice.

by Greg

When Life Gives You Lemons…

Ian Campbell and his Lemonade StandOr, even when it doesn’t. Lemonade still tastes great. Who doesn’t love a nice, cold glass of lemonade on a hot summer’s day?

For a while now our kids have been excited to set up a lemonade stand in front of our house and sell to anyone who might happen by on a warm day and be willing to pay them a small fee for a cold cup of the lemon drink. They are nearly always greeted with warm smiles and over generous customers and have a great time while they’re at it. Not just because they are making money, but during the whole process: figuring out how much the ingredients will cost, what materials to use (card table, check… large piece of plywood covered with paper for a sign, check… signs at the nearest intersections, check) and then even adding items for sale, as our daughter is wont to do. (She often has a companion yard sale on the lemonade stand days.)

But this time, it was serious.

With a little help from Dad, Ian set to work on a design, and figuring out what the materials would cost for a real lemonade stand. I helped him think through how to anticipate what he would need, design-wise, and then we went shopping at Lowe’s for the lumber, paint, and other supplies.

I actually thought he would be excited to do it on his own, but the supplies sat for a few days on our porch. Curious, I asked if he was waiting for me to help him, and when that was the case, I was glad to join in on the project. It was definitely a fun thing to do together!

But Ian certainly did the majority of the work on this project. From start to finish.

From the measuring and cutting, to the assembling and painting (and even the lettering—see below) Ian had a vision, and the determination, and he stuck to it. (Thanks to some extra freedom in his daily schedule from Mom, too!)

The big event that helped push along the completion of this project is a really large annual gathering in our tiny home town. Every July, tens (if not hundreds?) of thousands of people from all over the world descend on Palmyra, NY for the Hill Cumorah Pageant only a few miles from our house. Knowing that was coming, bringing with it a ridiculous increase in potential customers, was a great motivating factor for getting the stand ready for use.

Some friends of ours had set up a lemonade stand of their own last year in a prime location for all of this visiting traffic, and in speaking with them last week, we both thought it would be fun to set up a schedule of “shifts” at the lemonade stand and have the whole week of the event covered. Great plan! They offered some of their resources, and Ian offered his stand (they even gave him a donation toward his building costs!) and we set to work on finalizing the last few details. (Like, getting permission from the business who owns that property, and determining when to have people at the stand, how much food and drink to have ready, etc.)

It’s quite an operation!

The first day went really well. Each family took a four-hour shift, and exhausted their entire supply of baked goods, as well as the lemonade… twice! Our friends had the good idea of selling bottled water, too. That went pretty well. (Ian is thinking next time he’ll write to a bottled water company and get a big cardboard sign to advertise that water is being sold, too!) All in all, both sets of entrepreneurial kids did quite well on their first busy Saturday of selling.

Sunday was a day off, and the Monday was definitely slower, but that was expected. Supplies have been bought for the whole week, and great profits are anticipated by all. 🙂

The coolest thing about all of this is how much it has been initiated by our kids (Ian especially, but don’t discount 8-year-old Kirstie. She loves it, too!) and how much work they are putting into making it a success. If you could have seen them waving in the cars today…

They are learning the value of hard work. They are learning the rewards of labor. (And have already enjoyed spending some of their rewards on things they love.) Ian is working toward paying for some of the sports he wants to play this fall, and has been learning how investing a little money (buying supplies, materials, etc) along with a good bit of sweat, work, and time, can (when done correctly) reap very profitable results. Definitely gaining some good business sense in all of these endeavors.

If your kids get the itch to launch their own lemonade stand (or something similar) I highly recommend encouraging their urges. Don’t do it for them! Be a resource, a cheerleader, even a helper if that is needed. It’s fun to watch them invest themselves in these projects and see the rewards of doing so.

Watch out world. Ian Campbell Enterprises is just getting started! 🙂

by Greg

The Surface Issue

I have discovered a problem here in the Campbell home. It’s quite prevalent, affecting most members of the household.

Surfaces abhor a vacuum?

I know, I know. That’s not exactly the famous phrase. The slight variation though is definitely true in this home!

Is it that way for you? Do you find that any flat surface in your house is quickly filled up by all sorts of random goodies? The day’s mail, a book or a toy (or three), yesterday’s snack, last week’s underwear…

You get the picture.

EVERY time we clear of a flat surface in an attempt to de-clutter—to create a more simple, more beautiful space—within seconds something has been placed there to start the clutter parade. And it’s quick. It’s like a ultra-strong magnet, drawing anything light enough to be carried to the level of the available surface, and it doesn’t stop until there’s no more surface to be seen.

This used to also happen with our floors, but it seems as we have been diligently eliminating “stuff” from our home, that is happening at least a tad less often.

Surface, Oh Surface

But wherever you go, it’s true you know
That a surface abhor’s a vacuum
Both high and low, to and fro
You’re sure to find a sacked room

For surface you see is just the place that we
Seem to fill our deepest longings
For short or for long, at times with a song
Flat places are just where you store things

I think that might need to be posted on a wall of the Campbell home. Maybe all of them. It accurately describes our condition, our issue: We have a surface issue.

I’d guess any other large family reading this has a similar problem, but please… if you have discovered a solution, some way to keep at least some of your surfaces clutter-free… please explain in the comments below. Email me if it’s too private to share publicly.

Hi, we are the Campbell family, and we have a surface issue.

Now that we’ve admitted it … WE NEED HELP!!!

Maybe we are just doomed to this cluttered surface life forever. Perhaps there is no cure. I mean, right now I can’t seem to find the cause. It’s really just sort of magical! One minute you get it clean the next it’s got a whole new collection of surface cover!

Maybe our surfaces are just cold … they need to cover up?

If you know a way out for us, we’d love to hear it.

For now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go clean off a couple surfaces… 🙂

by Greg

Children Obey Your Parents

We had an interesting conversation with our teenager the other night.

Ian is thirteen. That means he’s officially a teenager. He’s been there—especially in his own mind—for quite a while now, even before the calendar said he was. That’s how he came into the world, actually. He’s usually ahead of the game.

And that’s his biggest problem. He’s pretty talented in a lot of ways, and he’s quite intelligent. That can very easily add up to a big trap. It can start to seem like you’ve got it all figured out.

I think at some point we all face that. And you might be saying, “Greg, of course he thinks he knows everything … he’s a teenager!” And, you are certainly right that what I’ve said so far could be said of most of us (maybe ALL of us?) in our teen years. It is the time when we are discovering ourselves. When we are invincible. When we are definitely smarter than our Mom & Dad.

But see, the thing is… this has been plaguing Ian since before he could speak.

There’s a war being waged in his spirit. I can’t know that, of course, or see it directly; but I see evidences of it. At once Ian is the most gentle, caring spirit, and also completely unbending and arrogant. He can be both.

From his earliest days, when we were training him the simple ‘yes’ and ‘no’ of what he could, and could not touch, where he could, and could not go, Ian has defied us. He has somehow had deep within his spirit a need for autonomy. More than a need, a conviction. He. Is. Right. It causes him such grief with his Mom, especially, but also with me. We’ve spent so many hours and hours talking about it, praying, learning from Jesus, and hopefully even showing by example.

But he persists in his right-ness.

The other night after a long day of head-butting with Mom, we had an emotional, confrontational “talk”. (It was mostly me doing the talking.) What came of that was a nugget of truth (at least, truth from Ian’s perspective) that helped me see the command from Scripture, “Children, obey/respect your parents…” slightly differently.

What I saw was that those words are not the end, but just the beginning.

God’s blessing comes after our will (as children) can quietly and trustingly submit to our parents. There are two things we learn from that. First, we are learning to submit ourselves to someone we trust whom we know loves us (like our heavenly Father), and second, we are learning the value of obeying Father, even when it doesn’t yet make sense to us—which we will have countless opportunities to practice through the rest of our adult lives.

Ian said, “So then I’m just supposed to lie?” He meant that he doesn’t agree with us, so, if he complies with a respectful-on-the-outside “Yes, Mom” and the subsequent carrying out of his orders, then that equals obeying? That is somehow a good thing?

In reply I said, “No, Ian. You are not supposed to lie. It’s not a lie. It’s a choice. You are saying, ‘God, even though I don’t agree… even though I think I’m right here… I’m going to trust you. I’m going to show my parents respect, and willingly do what they are saying is best, because I trust you, and your love for me.’ We hope that you can trust our love for you, too, and the wisdom we have gained by our quarter-century of additional experience. But the first choice you make, and the one that matters, is to choose to trust God.”

And I realized, that’s so true. I added, “Ian, I think the only thing God asks of you while you are a child, is to respect and obey your parents. As you get older, a LOT more will be expected of you, and you will be responsible for a lot more choices. But right now, it starts with this simple one. If you can choose to do that (respect your Mom and Dad, and do what they say, even when you think you know better) then you will start to see God’s blessing. When we trust him, he begins to unfold more truth in front of us. Not to mention, you’ll have peace—inner peace, peace with your Mom, with me, and your simple choice will begin to grow peace through our whole household.”

This is not “pick on Ian” time. Ian is (as I said earlier) incredibly talented in many things (sports, writing, reading, knowledge, understanding and caring about people, art, humor, and more). I love my son, Ian. He’s also—at times—incredibly hard to be around, because he does not see himself as an equal (or, in the case of his parents, a subordinate). His arrogance, unchecked, will eventually—once he is no longer under the protection of our supervision and guidance—be his ruin.

Pride, the worship of self, is the beast that is in all of us. Somehow, God put something in us that has a great desire to protect us, to defend us and all that represents us. It is the undoing of many. Perhaps it’s stronger in some than others (that’s what we seem to see in our firstborn son) but it is definitely something we all battle.

Ian and I had a subsequent discussion about heroes and villains. He’s writing a book with some seemingly ordinary folk who have super powers, who battle other seemingly ordinary folks who have super powers (or super technology). It’s a classic good versus evil, superhero story. He’s got some fun twists he’s working on, and he’s becoming a pretty good story teller, so it should be an entertaining read!

We thought about the one most common distinction between the “good guys” and the “bad guys” in any story, “super” or not. The answer was surprisingly consistent, and easy: bad guys are always in it for themselves, and good guys are always looking out for other people, even (especially) at their own peril. Those are heroes, the ones of us who sacrifice self for someone else, expecting nothing in return. (If reciprocity is expected, then the “selfless” act was really not selfless at all.)

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

I’ve quoted those few sentences from Philippians 2 here before. A few times, I believe. Don’t forget the sentence that comes next (perhaps the more familiar words):

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

There are so many commands in the Bible. Do this, don’t do this; go here, stay away from there; be this, don’t be this. It trips us up, big time. We get stuck on the “dos” and “don’ts”. The one thing that matters is to love God (and trust him) with all that you are, and equally important, love other people like you’ve been loved. There’s no “me” in that. The me is the “others” part for you. YOU are taken care of by me, and by everyone else who is “taking an interest in others, too”, and by our Father.

What more could you ask for?

So we’ll keep trying. We’ll keep loving. We’ll keep talking, praying, studying, and doing—leading by example. We’re going to fail. We do all the time. But hopefully part of our example is a humble acceptance of our own brokenness, our own quite obvious IMperfection.

Do what’s right… love mercy… walk humbly with [our] God.

And in the end? Well, we don’t get to know the end. We only get to live the now. We hope that as we do what God is asking us, that he’ll bless us by giving us the joy of seeing HIS Life lived brilliantly in and through our son (all our sons, and our daughters). They will each get to choose to trust him along the way. It might be “easier” for some of them than it seems to be for Ian in his short thirteen years so far. But I have a hunch that each of them will face their own obstacles, just as great, just as impassible …

But nothing is impassible with God. (Or, something like that.)

And it is HE whom we trust. From the very first, when we say, “Yes, Mom,” and “Yes, Dad”. And through the rest of life, with the first choice to trust—when much (or all?) seems to say otherwise—we take the first step and choose to trust him.

Then we begin to know the Life he has for us, the Life he is.

It all starts with a simple choice.

by Greg

[From The Archive] Feeling Loved, And Lovable

Highlighting Articles from the GregsHead.net Archives!This week’s trip into the Archive will be much shorter than last week’s (sorry about the link overload with that one!) Maybe because there’s been so much to read here lately that I want to give you a break…

But probably more because the content of this previously-posted article is beautiful in its simplicity.

I’m not talking about my words, or any idea I’ve had. It’s the core of the message Jesus spoke. We are loved.

Better yet, we are love-able. Worth loving.

And he does. With great pleasure.

Enjoy your visit to the Archive. May it encourage you again. And again.

You are worth it.

Feeling Loved, And Lovable
[link]

by Greg

Always Be Thankful

“And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.“

I have recently been reminded of the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I read the first half or so, and then it got buried under many other reads over the past months, nearing a year.

Jen loves her blog, and last year (maybe even more than a year?) purchased Ann’s book and connected deeply with the themes developed within its pages. She quoted much of the book to me in small snippets as she read it. Then she suggested I read it—or, maybe I even just wanted to on my own, both on her somewhat “unspoken” recommendation and because since Jen so identified with it, I knew I’d find some more of my wife’s heart in those pages.

And I did. And the book was saying what we needed to hear—probably what we all always need to hear.

Be thankful. Always.

The scripture quoted above is from Colossians 3:15. Definitely one of the books of the Bible that most resonates with me. I quote often from it. I have several songs that are based on truths Paul shared in his letter to the Colossian Christians. So much great truth found in those few pages.

These couple of verses have been meaningful recently as we have really needed peace. And he has given it. Deep peace. But it’s meaningful beyond the more difficult times of life, even in the ordinary. Especially for a large family with many youngsters like ours. “You are called to live in peace.” Yes, children… you are. And sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t. But the source of peace—inner and outer—is obvious from the first sentence. It’s Jesus. When his peace rules in our hearts, then it overflows to the people in our family—whether by blood or by spiritual family connection.

But one of the shortest sentences from the whole letter might be most meaningful to our lives.

And always be thankful.

Sounds like an afterthought. “Oh yeah… don’t forget…” But it’s somehow the foundation of our joy, our happiness, our Life. So much junk in life: our own, our family members’, junk from other people around us, and just the junk that is beyond anyone’s control. But somehow—when we can transcend the hurt, often by a simple trust in the person most worthy of trust—we can even be grateful for the junk.

Jen read a story for us recently from another book she just finished (The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom) which was also about “always be[ing] thankful”. In summary, while detained by German soldiers in a flea-infested and otherwise nearly uninhabitable room, Corrie’s sister discovered the key to the Life God wanted for them was to be thankful—for everything. That meant even the fleas. Corrie reluctantly agreed to be thankful for all things, even the ones that seemed to have absolutely no value at all.

Much later, looking back on everything, they realized (or learned?) that the guards had left them almost entirely to themselves because of the fleas! They were able to pray, have and read from their Bible, and have many freedoms they might not have otherwise had… because of the fleas. And they lived life a bit more fully because they were thankful for something that seemed only awful, even without knowing how it could be used for good.

Now several days later, at bedtime, after a day with some hard things in it, I decided to ask the girls to share some things they liked about the day, and some things that were hard or sad from the day. They came up with both fairly easily, with only slightly more thought put into choosing the one thing they found most difficult from the day just lived. Once we all had shared our favorite and maybe least favorite moments from the day I said, “OK, now let’s tell God how we are thankful for those things.”

I started out with the good, and then repeated back the things that each of us had highlighted as our difficult or bad thing from the day. When I got to Julia’s she was surprised that I strung together “thank you” and her bad part of the day. I smiled at her and asked if she remembered the flea story that Mom told earlier. A light of recognition flashed in her eyes and she said, “Oh yeah! Like the fleas! They were bad, but then they kept the soldiers away so they could pray!”

Yes! Like the fleas!

And so we continued, thankful even for the harder parts of the day. And sleep came quickly, and peacefully.

They are not magic words, that somehow make us cheery and unnaturally full of joy despite current circumstances. But it is a somewhat magic truth. When we can implement them, like the Ten Booms, we can know peace. And even joy.

And thankfulness.

Ann Voskamp uses the refrain Eucharisteo in her book. The Greek “give thanks”. The words, the idea–but even more, the action—have power. A power to give us life, from the One who is Life.

It comes from our perspective. Thankfulness gets the focus off of us, and onto him. He is the source of our Life, and hope, and every good thing. (Even when we can’t yet see goodness.)

That’s not to say there isn’t still junk. Or that some junk is just plain bad.

But always be thankful. That’s the succinct afterthought from Paul’s email to new believers that can still bring us much more of the life Jesus wants for us to live. One where we see goodness in the craziest places. Even where it doesn’t seem good, or isn’t good. We have hope, and we trust his goodness.

And we can always be thankful.