NOTE: I have mentioned before that I am weird. I see the world differently than everyone else on the planet, I think. So, just wanted to remind you of that before you read this particular post…
A friend of ours told us last night that their ten-year-old son will soon be baptized. That was great news, and at the same time, set my mind spinning down a path of thought that left me quite confounded. Now, don’t worry, this post is not to rile up the age-old baptism arguments. Actually, it has very little to do with that, and more to do with a piece of me that I still can not figure out. If you have not noticed, I process things fairly often by writing them out. I certainly am not presenting myself as any sort of authority on most things I post to this page (except for maybe Apple computers…) 🙂 It is a place where I can empty the contents of my head on a table, and sort through them, trying to organize and make sense of them.
When the happiness for my friend quickly wore off, what I began to think about was our seven-year-old son, and when he might want to be baptized. I began to think, “Well, my goodness… he’s probably “ready” now…” And then I began to question what “ready” means. When is anyone ever “ready” to make such a life-long decision? Who are we, his parents, to say he can or can not? Then I even started down a familiar path of questioning why even do the event in the first place??? Ian loves God, knows him, lives in the reality of his relationship to him … what difference would a religious ceremony make?
See, I tend to be quite dismissive of rituals and ceremonies. To me, they are only superfluous. They’re meaningless. (Again, I emphasize, to me.) The reality does not exist because of the ceremony, nor is it incomplete without it. Nothing magical happens because we undergo some ritual. I am not wedded to my wife because of some special words I said on October 18th, I committed to spend my life with her on July 17th, 1997. From that point on, I was married to her, in my heart. And, at least for me, that is more real than a pre-arranged moment.
Same goes for graduation. I did not graduate from Clarence High School, or Cincinnati Bible College because of a brisk walk across a stage (while wearing a silly hat and robe), a hand-shake, and a piece of paper. I graduated because of years of study and academic accomplishment.
The best explanation I could think of for my disdain for such events is my loathing of any sort of game playing or fakeness. It seems like to me that such ceremonies are removed from reality and we almost elevate them above the reality. I actually do understand that they are moments that we can reflect back on… I guess it also reminds me of what bothers me about most “events” we plan together as believers. They are contrived. Made up. We created them.
In Growing Kids God’s Way, the parenting course that Jen & I have been through a number of times, there is a bonus lesson called “Memorials”. In this lesson, Gary Ezzo talks about how God gave the Israelites lots of physical reminders of some great thing that he did for them. Rocks placed in a certain location would remind the passerby of the amazing thing God did for them right there. It would inspire an instant re-telling of the story to those who had not witnessed it. From that, we were encouraged to create a “shadow box”. In this box, we place little reminders of some moments in our lives where God did something amazing. For example, there’s a toy train that reminds us of the time that Jen’s grandpa was saved from a train wreck that would have killed him (and eliminated Jen and her Dad and our kids, etc.) There’s a water shoe from the time God led us on an amazing faith journey while on vacation in Florida. Lots of great things reminding us of the goodness of God, and the times where we clearly saw him working.
Aren’t those the same as a wedding, graduation or baptism? Well, no, I would say. Those things are only tiny reminders of the event that happened. Not an event we created to be a reminder. Perhaps that part is very important to me.
I guess in the end it comes down to my super core belief that we must live real life… completely real, no games, no “fakeness”. To me, ceremonies are fake. I know that is not the case for people who do them. Those who love ceremony are not embracing the make-believe. Somehow, there is something in me, though, that can not embrace what is not real.
I told Jen today that if I lived in a culture where ceremony was the core of who we were, I would probably just be killed for not adhering to the “right way” to do things. I love to watch the National Geographic and History Channels, but admittedly it does weird me out when the show is about the tribal cultures who have intense, (insane) rituals for various times and various stages of life. For example, some cultures think you have to go through super-painful slicing of your body, which leaves a scar tattoo, showing you are now an adult. There are various other rituals I don’t need to describe here.
We in America can watch that and say, “Whoa! That’s so crazy! Why would they think they have to do that???” But, I submit that it is exactly the same thing as a wedding ceremony, a graduation, a ribbon-cutting, or any other ceremony or ritual that we accept culturally. They probably think some of ours are weird. I’m sure they do, actually. But in the end, they are very much the same.
I wish my friends well. I am glad they are excited about the upcoming baptism. I am just much more excited that their son live a life-long journey with God than I am about a moment that is supposed to begin that journey. Just as I love the reality of my life-long relationship with Jen much more than I do that day in the middle of our relationship where we dressed up (yes, I know, I was just wearing khakis and a polo shirt, but for me… that was dressing up…) and had a party with our friends. I loved that day… it was fun. But the reality of the relationship – of everyday life – is so much more important to me, I guess. So much so that I could do without the ceremonies.
As I mentioned at the top, I am certainly no expert, and the beauty of posting my thoughts via this medium is that it can be somewhat interactive. I welcome your thoughts on the value of ceremony and ritual. I promise I will listen. 🙂
I think I mentioned on this page that Ian (our oldest) got to be part of two Apple Camp sessions this July. What’s Apple Camp, you ask? I’m glad you asked!